I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
