I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize