tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
