this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
