Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can't turn off my feet"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
