R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
