too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
