If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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