Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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