3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Pants are for mortals
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize