Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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