you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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