i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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