Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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