peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
