I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
