we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
