Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize