4 words: hood of his car
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
