Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
