It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize