I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The struggles of a small town man whore
you made out with another girl for some wings
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
