she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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