Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She told me I should be a condom model.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
