Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize