Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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