he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
