Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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