ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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