Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
