I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
