Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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