They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
