oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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