My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
