Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
