Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
