I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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