As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
