he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
