Your tits are I can't wait for
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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