My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
