All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Congratulations! We have a period
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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