Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize