Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
