I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
