if you like me you must not know who I am
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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