rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
