i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Randomize
