Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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