Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
