Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
