no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
