yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
