I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
