Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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