if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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