Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
