thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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