I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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