i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
