I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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