I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
