I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
