Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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