i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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