I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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