It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I lost the right to judge tonight
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
