420 ftw
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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