just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What a dumb baby whore.
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Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
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I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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